Wednesday, 14 November 2012
OLD VS NEW
Being a parent is a huge adjustment that I didn't fully understand until J graced our lives. I thought though that 18 months on I would have settled into it a little better but to be honest, I still really struggle at times. It's the party girl in me. I have always been a social butterfly. I never said no to anything when I was younger - I didn't want to miss out on any fun. My partner is a bit the same (bit!? and that makes it harder) and I can definitely see that trait in J too - oh dear. Unlike most people I didn't really have a crazy time in my 20's. I settled down very early with a boyfriend and up until that relationship broke up a few years ago, I never had any alone, time to find myself, crazy fun time. Fast forward a couple of years and here I am in settled down baby land.
I love it. I really do. I love J and D and in many ways feel I am in the right place for me at this time in my life but I miss that independence and spontaneity. I can't go out on a whim anymore. I can't stay out as long as I like. I have to be responsible in every area of my life and that is tiring. I work, I am a partner, a cleaner, a cook, an early riser, try to be an educator and a good, mindful mother. Then with what is left I try to be a friend and make some time for me. Phew.
Most of my friends are single too which makes it harder to say "I can't" when they are going out or having a few at the pub. I try and blend these two very different lives as much as I can and should be grateful I get to do as much as I do. I AM grateful. We are very lucky to have a few very lovely friends that occasionally babysit for us, as our family live out of town. If it wasn't for them - jeez!
Although this sounds like a big complain-y post. It's not. It's a 'just saying' post. I am by no means the only parent that struggles with this. So how do I convince myself that I don't need to do everything and be everywhere? Any tips? Or will I eventually embrace this new life, stop trying to hang on to the old one and finally let go? Does there have to be a letting go or can it somehow be a seamless transition? I am sure it is for some.